Useless Web (Apps’n Trash #2)


Welcome to the second part of our ride to the world of trash apps! 

Did you ever feel like you have too much time and the only thing you ever wanted was to travel? Wanderlust and your close-to-black-hole bank-account are bothering you, but your hearts belong to the wide, wide world and you really want to explore it so bad?
A journey around our lovable world, but affordable, child save (although it is truly not…) and close to your big love- freezer and couch? Do you think this is impossible?
It is not! I found the only right way for your inner self – your oldie but goldie best friend Neuland, and here is the app which will lead you to parts of it which you never knew (No, not the deep web)!

 

Useless Web

hello, i'm menu.

hello, i’m menu.

Just as useless as thisSince there is a more entertaining pendant here with a bigger database, this app is just an emergency-plan for people who just reach the very last level of boredom, just right after watching Kardashians and Windows updates. But at least Mr. Ad prefers here to be abroad and the only notification he left- his Twitter- and Facebookaccount (I allow house advertisement, so my person won’t rage around with my censorship.).
And I need to be honest – it doesn’t really bother, and after you just did attend Neuland the banner just disappears (although there is still a small blue rectangle around decorated with the Twitter-logo magically pending in the air.). My almost-in-pension phone doesn’t have any problems with this useless piece of sh** (I’m sorry … not.).
Since I have no life and an endless amount of free-time I will spend even more of my brain cells to search for some positive points of this app because somewhere someone ( who is not google-able by the way) thought he or she should code this app for our society since there is really a need for it.
So let’s begin with our trip to hell…

i'm such a pretty collage.

i’m such a pretty collage.

Depends on how you just hold your center of your life. Clearly : this means when you drop your phone it will may show you her (or his?) middle-finger while your scream won’t change the incoming apocalypse. The first few seconds are really funny and the color changing looks pretty, but since I am not in a post-puberty crisis middle-fingers are not that special anymore.
May the developer of this website had an issue relating to his feelings, so he wanted to be equipped with any kind of show-able app in case his emotional state change faster then he can drop his phone (Noooo…). Another chance for you, Useless Web!

3

the upper part looks weird.

Just no. Grandiose website number two. By the way- yes, you don’t see the link. Never. So no bookmarks, no sending to your friends (as if you have friends), no, no, no and … no. The first torturous death of a trashy. 
But hey – at least you have the power of time and pain. You are the god of eel, ruler of slime, part of the useless-clan, the first (and I hope only) of your name, regent of the bald heads, guard against hair loss …   this means with your precious finger you can decide about being slapped or not being slapped.
Such good news, you found your mission.
But if I am honest (and I am always honest) – although the guy is not that bad looking, after few sessions of slapping I don’t want to see his face anymore. Maybe it is just my bad conscience.
Who knows. 

weeee

weeeeeee

I hope I am not the only one who is really, really  confused.
Maybe Wee is just a new slang (what hopefully appears and disappears faster than I am able to crash a windows-computer. Note: I can crash everything. Everything.) Or it should replace a dirty word because some Geeks were not able to speak it out. In this case, idiot-number-one thought Wee would be a cool idea, so idiot-number-two has finally the ability to speak it out somehow (It was not.).
The best part is CAN’T (T is cut out) and following NOT.
I wouldn’t assert that I am an english native speaker, but those basics should be known: Maybe they just were lazy, after they did realize that their plan were just as bad as my knowledge about nuclear physics. Not only useless, this website is just stupid too. colours

Yeah … free epileptic seizure for everyone.
Useless, but well made (although it is not that hard to code such kinds of websites … ). Again, that kind of humor, which is just stupid (you laugh for a short amount of time and after few seconds it gets kind of boring.) is fast contaminated with the feeling of dizziness. And it gets on my nerves. To make things worse – the number of websites is too little, after a couple minutes I feel like I am in a loop (bye bye trashy …) and the app don’t worth an excessive laugher anymore (Miss the mark and the next trashy died. Bad App!)
Whatever, let’s go to the funny part…

Design

main_2

hello, i’m menu level 2.

Easy to use, even the dumbest user is able to push the (one and only) button.
Funny gimmick – after you pressed the button the sentence ”to another” appears for a short time (it was really hard to screenshot it, I am so proud!).
The name says it all, although Useless App would fit too.
Seriously, the best design part of this app is the menu and since there is no need for more because of the different websites, it is okay.
Although you surely don’t want it, but the end (of those all gifs) is near!

 

The End
Boring, even the most awful lesson (aka everything related to network) in my university wouldn’t lead to seriously use this app. Not as funny as the desktop version and really, really useless in a bad way. Not available in Google Playstore, but our beloved apple fan-boys are able to get this gem on Itunes. 

 

Three died, two left.

trashies

 

 

 

sincerely yours

sign

 

Any ideas for posts?  Mail me!        

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